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Friday, 26 December 2008
sci-fi watch: the introduction
So, the other day (Feliz Navidad, one and all!) I found myself in the posession of two spangly new things to read, Art Spiegelman's Maus and Roberto Bolano's 2666. I'm dying to start on them, except one thing is holding me down - fucking Robert Heinlein and fucking Stranger In A Strange Land.Because I'm a massive Lost geek, I decided a way to kill time between seasons would be to join The Lost Bookclub on Livejournal, which finally gave me an opportunity to read Watership Down (which is great) but also introduced me to Robert Heinlein's seemingly endless novel. Stranger in a Strange Land is about a man born on Mars by the name of Valentine Michael Smith, who is brought to Earth then imprisoned by the US government. However, they didn't count on a journalist by the name of Ben Caxton and his girlfriend Gillian Boardman, a nurse. Caxton is abducted due to his anti-government writings, Gillian captures Michael and runs to Caxton's friend, "Jubal E. Harshaw, LL.B., M.D., Sc.D., bon vivant, gourmet, sybarite, popular author extraordinary, neo-pessimist philosopher, devout agnostic, professional clown, amateur subversive, and parasite by choice." And it's around this point that the enjoyable novel falls apart as we are privy to page after page after page of Jubal talking about everything he can think of in relation to the Martian in his midst. It's the kind of talky-wannabe-philosophical bullshit that pisses me off when I read - do we really expect smart people to talk like that? And at such great length? Just because they're smart? (Oh, and he's blatantly an unlovable misogynist: "As I was saying, a woman who can't cook is a waste of skin. If I don't start having some service around here I'm going to swap all of you for a dog and shoot the dog. What's the dessert, Miriam?") Here's a rough example of how a Jubal/Gill/whoever-is-in-his-vicinity-enough-to-listen conversation:
JUBAL: You see, this is the problem. Bon vivant.
NOT JUBAL: But, but, I disagree!
JUBAL: You are an imbecile because [four pages of explaining why he is so smart, briefly and rarely in relation to the point he has to make and usually in reference to some kind of religious deity so you know he's smarter than you]. Altruistically.
NOT JUBAL: Ah, I am a fool all along!
JUBAL: I hate women!
So, now I hate this book. There is no sense of drama whatsoever - the US government's search for Michael is halted by basically how big Jubal Harshaw's brain is, which also brings back Ben Caxton, who the plot (and previous main character, Gillian) has forgotten. So, there's no threat - as a matter of fact, everyone sits down and has a press conference before retiring to a tea party or such bullshit (cue Jubal ranting on for twenty-seven or so pages). Then, because it was the Sixties at the time, a mature exploration of sexual politics!
"As they merged, grokking together, Mike said softly and triumphantly: 'Thou art God.'
Her answer was not in words. Then, as their grokking made them ever closer and Mike felt himself almost to ready to discorporate, her voice called him back: 'Oh!... Oh! Thou art God!'
'We grok God.'"
Or not. y'see, Valentine Michael Smith becomes a hunk, basically fucking every woman he can due to his quest to "grok", which the book coined as a Martian term for sharing the same line of reality with someone else. He doesn't fuck guys, though, because he doesn't grok them (grokking hurts my brain) and goes about dodging their advances by looking - no shit - less adrogynous. And that's before Gillian says "Nine times out of ten, if a girl gets raped, it's at least partly her own fault". Fuck you, Robert Heinlein.
So, you'd think I'd be throwing this book away yet? No. I'm sorry, I've spent too much time reading it to just chuck it away, even if I know how it ends (Michael gets shot, haha spoiler) and I know I'll hate the end. I've been reading it for ages - it's time to destroy this book. Of course, there's also the claim that this is the best book in the entire sci-fi genre. Whaaaaaat? People, throw me your recommendations already: give me your sci-fi favourites and, hell, I'll read 'em. They can't be worse than Heinlein's, y'grok?
FRENCH MIAMI - Science Fiction
(found via The Bay Bridged)
Okay, this is what Stranger in a Strange Land (probably) influenced:
- the word "grok" to be used by nerds
- that really lame episode of Lost where Jack had an affair with Bai Ling's crazy tattooist chick
- Iron Maiden, maybe
- Jubal Harshaw seems like a less-hilarious and more dispicable version of The Architect, pre-Wachowskis
- the Church of All Worlds, who will never reawaken Gaia with a website like this
- Junichi Oguro's minimalist IDM project, Grok (amongst many others)
So, don't buy me any Heinlein stuff in the near future. Ahem.
-DA.XOXO
Wednesday, 20 August 2008
20/08/08
Whoa, bet you (whoever you are, reading this) didn't expect me to update this one! Well guess what, I did. Suckers. My visits to random parts of Europe are sadly over for the year and I'm blogging Kerrang! #1224 despite the fact I should be in bed healing a foot tattoo. Professionalism, dudes. Let's get on with the harshness.
1. WOW, YOU GUYS SOUND LIKE PRICKS TOO (p. 67)
For the past couple of weeks now, I've been opening the pages of Kerrang! to find some painfully wacky advert for a band by the name of My Final Hope. Everytime I see this, I judge the book by its cover - four guys, with ridiculous haircuts and colourful Topshop tshirts, pulling Alien Ant Farm faces while they pose with their instruments. Woah, the bassist is smiling and holding his bass upwards! Woah, that guy's keyboard could fall over! The drummer's hanging through his bassdrum!... you get the idea. Basically, I called it - these guys suck. But you know what? That's not a fair appraisal of My Final Hope's music. So I checked it out today and HOLY SHIT these guys know how to fucking rock!
...actually, no. They're literally as bad as I thought. I will give you know mp3s here by the band but I will give you this picture so you have some idea of what I'm getting at. Christ.
2. SKA-PUNK LUMINARY REPS BOTH L.A. AND CHICAGO (p. 46)
Or so says Vinnie Fiorello from Less Than Jake, who knows both handshakes for the Bloods and the Vice Lords. That's, erm... huh? "They're good to know when you're out and about," says Fiorello, and I'm sure, but when do guys in ska-punk bands find themselves having to throw up sets in gang territory? Seriously? Did he learn the Blood handshake just so he could talk to Snoop Dogg at Projekt Revolution all those years ago? Because, wow, that shit would've backfired.
Three Six Mafia - Gang Signs
3. JUSTIN HAWKINS STILL PLAYS "I BELIEVE IN A THING CALLED LOVE" LIVE (p. 4)
I read this on the letters page and, really, any excuse...
The Darkness - I Believe In A Thing Called Love
4. SOME BANDS ARE DELUSIONAL ABOUT THEIR NAMES (p. 16)
I recently skimmed over an article in the NME about how important it is to pick the right band name so that people will listen to you - that's the reason why Muse aren't called Rocket Baby Dolls and why Negro Wives are now R.E.M. That's pretty true - to be honest, the fact This Week's Kicking Boys My Final Hope are called My Final Hope is one of the reasons I dared to venture nowhere near their music - and it extends to one of this week's Introducing bands, I Hate Kate. Guff name. But wait... courtesy of singer/guitarist Justin Mauriello, there's a STORY BEHIND IT!
"[Kate] was actually a girlfriend of a buddy of mine. This girl had to be the most evil person I'd ever met. Everyone hated her, she was the Devil, she really was. One day I actually said 'Man, I hate Kate', and it sounded like a cool name for a band. I was actually bet $5 that i wouldn't call my band by that name, but I did."
Well then. It is, to be fair, a better name than Negro Wives. (Which is actually growing on me, albeit a good twenty-eight years too late.)
I Hate Kate - Embrace the Curse
5. I CAN TWIST THE RULES OF THIS BLOG BECAUSE I WRITE IT (p. 42)
Yeah, serious! How sweet is that? The reason I say that is because the thing I want to point out isn't actually something I read in Kerrang!, but in Rock Sound. In K!, Corey Taylor talks about how awesome it is to come back to the UK for Reading/Leeds, blah blah blah, but the fact Slipknot are playing inbetween Tenacious D and Metallica psyches him out. That's because Corey Taylor, as I found out, plays in a Tenacious D cover band by the name of Audacious P! NO SHIT. Thank you Rock Sound - a monthly blog is on the way. (No, actually, it sure as hell ain't.)
Audacious P - Scooby Doo, Where Are You? (for the uninitiated, not a song by the D. Shame.)
So, Metallica.
...hey, talking of Metallica!
6. IAN WINWOOD HITS HARD WITH THE DEJA VU (p. 27)
The last time Metallica headlined the Reading/Leeds festival, it was 2003 and Blur were still together. That is a long goddamned time, yet in this week's cover story, Ian Winwood finds a way to end his 2008 article the very same way as the 2003 article, which I remember pretty well: "Be ready." To paraphrase Winwood's pervious article ending:
"Metallica are coming. Be ready."
Compared to this year:
"Death Magnetic will be here next month. Be ready."
Five years and he couldn't think up a different ending line? Is this part of a trilogy? Am I just a weirdo for noticing these things?
Metallica - Cyanide (Live)
7. MORE ROCK STARS MARRIED TO OTHER ROCK STARS (p. 41)
...To use the term lightly, of course. Turns out that Jimmy Urine of Mindless Self Indulgence is married to Chantal Claret, vocalist for New Yorkers Morningwood. Quoth the Urine: "I saw this band play and [Claret] is an amazing performer. In fact, she was so good that I thought she was way better than me at her in-betweens and so much smarter and more comedic and so natural that I ended up marrying her! They are like a monster truck rally combined with fucking a Bond girl. I got totally swept off my feet."
Awwww!!! That's still not as nice as Omar Little and Fran Boyd getting married, but still.
Morningwood - New York Girls
8. DRAGONFORCE KNOW THEY'RE ONE-TRICK PONIES (p. 48-9)
Okay, they're still a fun band, and their many many loyal fans will rush out and buy ULTRA BEATDOWN (the all-caps rule still applies) when it's out on record shelves, but one can't help but shake the feeling that Dragonforce have hit a glass ceiling. This could be as far as it goes with these guys, folks: despite getting a 4-K rating for their newie, Paul Travers basically says that this is the same album as the last one, detailing a hilariously elaborate description of BEATDOWN's sound ("a cross between Queen and the Latvian entry for the Eurovision Song Contest") and then admitting that the "exact same description" fits for any of the band's previous long-players.
In the inlet on the next page, Travers straight up asks guitarist Herman Li whether or not his band are just playing "variations on a theme". Li says that there are "more changes" on ULTRA BEATDOWN rather than just being a 4000mph riffathon in the spirit of Inhuman Rampage. I'll judge when I hear the album in full but, really, isn't there nowhere else these guys could go now? Aside from Guitar Hero IV?
Dragonforce - The Warrior Inside
9. METAL BANDS LIVE IN JOCKISH VIDEO GAMES (p. 10)
Dragonforce are inspired by ridiculous video game music, hence all the Pac Man noises in their music. Now, video game music is FUCKING POPULAR MUSIC. This never gets old to me! (I play a Game Boy Advance and a Sega Saturn, for goodness' sake, this is INSANE.) Now, whoever thought that Trivium's ass-blaster (and that's a compliment) of a song "Into the Mouth of Hell We March" would work with the helmeted action of a John Madden American football game? Certainly not me. And not with the rest of the batshit soundtrack for the game. Airbourne? In Flames? Busta Rhymes? Wale? Kidz In The Hall? Mindless Self Indulgence? How does that make sense in any way?
Trivium - Into the Mouth of Hell We March
10. GALLOWS, THANKFULLY NOT COMPROMISING (p. 45)
I love Gallows. My friends know this very well. They just blast shit left right and centre and somehow became one of the biggest bands in Britain with an album that addressed family collapse, sexual politics (and the crimes that come with it) and oppressive small-town life. Sweet! So it's a joy to hear that while the band are broadening their horizons on their upcoming album, they're still writing what they want, nevermind anybody else. When asked by Tom Bryant on what would happen if the fans hate the new album, vocalist/professional ginge Frank Carter has one thing to say: "I wouldn't give a fuck. Fuck them." I should be insulted, but I'm actually really pleased by all the pre-game talk. Go on, bring on a new record then!
Gallows - Gold Dust
So, erm, my foot hurts. Like, hopping-on-one-leg-hurts. I'm fucking off to bed.
Wednesday, 6 August 2008
06/08/08
Goddamn, that shit is small!Anyhoodles, The Gaslight Anthem are on the cover of K! #1222. This is a good thing and even though I'm having one of those silly moments where the cool band you like is no longer your cool band (don't try and fake like it's never happened to you!), it's great that these guys may be following Against Me! in blowing up bigtime. It'd be sweet too, because then my friends wouldn't have to travel down to somewhere in Birmingdonshire to check them out as they could just play Glasgow venues. Sweet! And on with this week's issue...
1. KERRANG! REALLY CAN BREAK A BAND. RIGHT? (p. 22-26)
Gallows, Dragonforce, Cancer Bats, Madina Lake, Against Me!: something all these bands share in common is that they arguably broke out from their respective scenes into the public consensus via the K! hype machine. Sure, certain bands go on to hate the magazine or some at least make snarky comments about the publication, but Kerrang! and its writers love to show its readers bands they love. And Ian Winwood, the writer of this week's cover story, has pushed for The Gaslight Anthem. Now on the one hand, this is pretty unsurprising stuff, seeing as Winwood has always favoured bands from the US punk scene (e.g. Bad Religion, Converge, the aforementioned Against Me!); yet on the other hand, TGA have never been covered in the pages of the magazine. (Well, that's a lie actually. I saw an ad for them in the Live listings... as if that truly counts).
The piece, despite seeming pretty unremarkable to me, does its job - you get an idea of where the origins of the band came from (vocalist/guitarist Brian Fallon decided to form a band after being rejected from art school), their work ethic ("We're not afraid of struggle") and an idea of what the music's like ("the sound of punk rock rediscovering its own soul", psshh). Introduction sorted. Now, can K! really have the power to make this band popular? It's one of the biggest publications of its kind, still has some kind of influence on its readers, and has pushed bands like the ones mentioned above to a level past mere notoriety. But (putting aside the accessibility of their music for one moment) do you really see The Gaslight Anthem being one of those bands that grows massive? Take a listen if you haven't already and think about it - can this week's inclusion go towards "breaking" TGA? Is it even possible? Or am I thinking there's too many ulterior motives behind the article?
The Gaslight Anthem - The '59 Sound
2. THINGS I'LL NEVER GET TO DO, PART 273 (p. 27)
One time, travelling through Peru with family on a badly air-conditioned bus through really goddamn high roads, we found ourselves stopping off for some paella for lunch. The stuff was too much for my stomach to handle, so I headed for the toilets only to be utterly terrified at what I saw. I won't go into too much detail, but I remember two very dirty footstands being dangerously close to the... hole. Long story short, I didn't go, and that toilet remains the worst I have ever been near. Ever.
So why do I get weird, bordering-on-insane heart pangs when I know that I'll never be able to top this experience by venturing into the toilets at legendary NYC club CBGBs? To quote Alkaline Trio's Matt Skiba: "I've taken a shit in some pretty bad places. I took one in CBGB's and that place is gnarly. There was no door and it was filthy." Dude, I'll never get to walk in that and flinch. 'Tis a sad day.
3. JAEGERMEISTER, KINGS OF METAL SPONSORSHIP (p. 47)
Maybe it's because I don't drink, but I'm never going to understand how an obscure 73-year-old German digestif became the metal drink of choice. Seriously, Jägermeister? It's expensive as fuck - like the metal equivalent of Moet - and apparantly utterly rank. But despite all that, I've witnessed too many bands publicising the shit. I actually remember being at Download a few years back and catching virtuoso prog-metallers SikTh whore themselves out for the brand: "We just came to the festival site and thought we should drink down some fucking Jägermeisters!!!" Embarassing. Yet it even ends up being the drink of choice on the Rockstar Energy Mayhem tour ("20 bottles of Jägermeister on ice", sheeeittt). Hell, Rockstar Energy is a soft drink yet they get owned by the elk'n'cross? Something's gotta give.
Hell, what do I know. I'm sticking with a Shirley Temple. Metal!
Absurd - Ein Jaeger Aus Walhall
4. LARS ULRICH FAILS TO MAKE US FEEL SAFE (p. 7)
I know a lot of people don't believe Metallica are dropping a good album this year with Death Magnetic and, to be totally honest, drummer Lars Ulrich doesn't really fill me full with confidence. "I can say that this is the best album Metallica could have made!" Now, it's all in one word: "could". Yes, "could" fills me with a little bit of dread as it makes me think that they knew they are able to do so so so so much better. Maybe. I guess if you look too much into sentences like I do, Ulrich's just setting you up for disappointment. (Maybe not, seeing how I am one of the twelve people in the world who actually kinda liked St. Anger. I know, I know, I'm an idiot. And I'm seeing them next week for the third time, so yeah, I call bullshit on myself.)
5. K! GRUDGINGLY DOES SPIN (p. 8)
"Hinder will releasing the much anticipated fo--" Woah, hold up. Hold up. Seriously? Hinder's new record is eagerly anticipated? Seriously? I'm leaving this one to the good Axl Rosenberg. (Side note: noting the producer of the band's new record, K! put Puddle Of Mudd as Puddle Of The Mudd. Wow, that shows how relevant they stayed.)
6. GERARD WAY WINS COMIC BOOK AWARD; DESERVES IT (p. 12)
Gerard Way and artist Gabriel Ba won an Eisner award for Best Limited Series for The Umbrella Academy! Sweet. Now, go check out the comic, fucknuts.
Rihanna feat. Jay-Z - Umbrella
7. REALLY? VICTORY? ...SERIOUSLY? (p. 42)
I'm not going to rag too long on Hawthorne Heights, seeing as how most of David McLaughlin's article addresses the tragic death of guitarist/vocalist Casey Calvert last year. But the band are just about to drop their third record, "Fragile Future", on none other than Victory Records, the record label they were embroiled in with a legal brouhahaha since 2006. Huh?
"We said down together and settled our differences," says singer JT Woodruff; "The lawsuit taught us that it is best to handle your problems by talking them out. Filing a lawsuit is just so impersonal. You fight and fight and fight and in the end, nobody wins." Yeah, but going back to Victory Records, notorious for label boss Tony Brummel's hard-headed, aggressive and creepy leadership/marketing/fuckery tactics (as you can read in former Victory employee Ramsey Dean's exposé "The Horror" - well worth reading, by the by)? Erm...
Hawthorne Heights - Silver Bullet
8. UGH (p.1-71)
Seriously, that's all I've got this week. Have some mp3s from Misery Signals's 3-K-rated "Controller", because it truly is the shit.
Misery Signals - Set In Motion
I'm in Belgium next week. Take it east. Yes, east.
Wednesday, 30 July 2008
30/07/08
So, I haven't updated in a couple of weeks - I was off in different countries, looking in shops at clothes that I couldn't and cannot afford (I have under a tenner in my bank account, shoot me now) - but in that time, I got my first comment! And this was called "mindless drivel"! Sweet. In case you've not read Kerrang! for the past two weeks, let me be the first to say that I hope that this Iron-Maiden-erection-thing that I've noticed in the pages of the magazine for the past month or so is over. We get it already. They've been around for ages and play cricket grounds. Yadda yadda yadda. On with #1221.1. SOME ROCK STARS ARE MASSIVE GEEKS WHEN THEY'RE NOT BEING ROCK STARS (p. 25)
Turns out that after System Of A Down went on hiatus, drummer John Dolmayan (currently playing for fellow SOAD'er Daron Malakian's Scars On Broadway) started putting his energy into Torpedo Comics, a comic and memorabilia store that sells comics for as little as 99 cents. In a world where I normally spend up to £15 a month on my must-have titles, that's a pretty frakking admirable side-hustle. One thing, though - $6 for ish one of last year's Runaways/Young Avengers crossover? Dude, I spent £2.50 on that shit sandwich. Exchange rates or no, there's no excuse.
2. HUH? JUSTIN HAWKINS? (p. 8)
Like a K! scribe wrote in a recent review of Stone Gods' recent debut album, it's hard to remember that The Darkness were once the biggest rock band in Britain. Remember the meteoric rise, with that ridiculous performance at the Brit Awards where Justin Hawkins played a guitar solo as a massive platform ascended towards the ceiling of the London Arena's building? (Serious.) What about those Christmas shows where Justin Hawkins played the solo to "Love on the Rocks with No Ice" over the audience's heads for fifteen minutes perched upon a giant green tiger wearing a Santa outfit? (No, no, this actually happened. I have proof somewhere if needed.) If you haven't figured it out yet, most of the band's ridiculous moments have to do with Justin Hawkins, the band's guitar virtuoso/falsetto-loving/catsuit-wearing frontman. And they were probably thought up when he was on coke. Funny, that.
See, now, while the world has moved on from The Darkness and, by extension, Hawkins, the man is back with his new band Hot Leg. Says Hawkins: "[Hot Leg] is basically a more intense version of The Darkness... a little more progressive... more flamboyant at times. It's got a bit of oomph!" Now, fair enough, but is it actually possible that you can be anymore flamboyant than THIS PICTURE? Have a listen to Hot Leg's "Heroes" underneath:
Good luck to the dude, but I'm just gonna stick with funnier, older songs about catching genital warts.
3. BATTLES = INDESCRIBABLE (p. 19)
Another week where the mighty Battles are mentioned within the pages of K! and even though these guys don't really deserve any more press than they're already getting, it's refreshing to see the magazine praising them. So while I can hold fast hope for a Tyondai Braxton cover for the yearly "punk" rport (do they still do that?), I'll just make fun of David McLaughlin's description of the band as "robocore". Really? Robots? Do they sound core-ish at all? Robots? I'm just being dickish for the sake of being dickish - even after all the time I've spent listening to "Mirrors" I've found it hard as fuck to describe the band to friends. (My favourite one: "They're like a puzzle, but every time you listen to them, you find another piece! Yeah? Right?") And no disrespect to robots either - I mean, I dig Cylon and Garfunkel big time.
4. I CAN'T FIND A NICE THING TO SAY ABOUT GLAMOUR OF THE KILL (p. 28)
The lead singer's called Davey Death. I'm sorry. Here, have a song that he likes.
5. DELUSION COMES WITH A FEW MILLION SOLD... (p. 43)
...and a clothing line, a deal with one of the biggest major labels/congloromates in the world, a tour with respawning cockroaches of cack cock'n'roll Buckcherry, an MTV Video Music Award, and the seeming ability to have their biggest single appear on every EA Games title from now until the end of the universe. Quoth Avenged Sevenfold frontman M Shadows: "We're still very much an underground band." Cough. Cough.
...cough.
[Off-topic I know (like that ever stopped me), but does anybody else miss Lost being on the telly as much as I do? Seriously, how good was that finale? Don't you all just want to get Desmond Hume tattoos with "BE MY CONSTANT" in massive pink letters underneath? Anybody?]
6. MY FANDOM WAS ALL JUST A LIE (p. 54)
"Everybody had sort of grown into their own worlds and it wasn't a band anymore. It was business. [...] Working in a studio is always frustrating: it was always frustrating with Fred [Durst, vox]. You have to understand basically it's being around somebody that you can't stand, literally, whose existance makes your skin crawl. [...] I was thinking 'How am I going to salvage the integirty of what I wroked on yesterday? Fred's going to come in and tear it apart, and probably trash it'." ~Wes Borland on being in Limp Bizkit during the recording of "Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavoured Water"
Okay, we all knew that Mr Borland was the odd one out in Limp Bizkit when he was still in the band - look at any of these pictures for a reminder - but I personally didn't think it was as bad as him despising Fred Durst as much as the rest of the world. On a massive nostalgia trip recently, me and my best friend got into an in-depth conversation about the merits of Limp Bizkit (they were my favourite band once! I liked "Results May Vary", dammit!) and how Wes returned to the band for "The Unquestionable Truth, Part One". My friend thinks he did it JUST TO FUCK WITH FRED DURST. Which, er, makes sense. He did, after all, end up writing "The Priest" (seriously, if you don't read this, you're missing out).
7. I READ A REALLY INSENSITIVE MAGAZINE (p. 63)
K! says of Johnny Truant's upcoming minitour that "missing these shows is really the dumbest thing you'll do this year". Well, I missed them on the 27th in Glasgow because I was broke! So fuck you, Kerrang!
8. ALICE COOPER KNOWS REALLY FAMOUS PEOPLE (p. 11)
In this week's issue, Messer Cooper counts down his top five celebrity golfers: Catherine Zeta-Jones, Sly Stallone, Meat Loaf, Kevin Costner and, best of all, Kenny G (not to be mistaken with Kevin G, the rapper). "I don't want some little jazz saxophone player beating me, but he;s incredibly good! He's really, really hard to beat," divulges Alice, taking a short break from hanging out with Ronnie Corbett.
9. GUYLINER AND EXCESSIVE USE OF STRAIGHTENERS THREAT TO MOTHER RUSSIA (p. 12)
ps. Here's a Russian metalcore band! It's not very good but it's the best I could find after three hours of searches!
10. CRAIG OWENS ATTEMPTS SUICIDE (p. 8)
Okay, no snarky comments here. Craig Owens is the vocalist for US post-hardcore guys Chiodos and he is currently recovering from an attempt on his own life. Quoth the man from his online journal:
"On Sunday, July 20th, I attempted to overdose on prescribed Xanax at my home here in Michigan. Flash ahead 12 hours later, I woke up in the emergency room surrounded by my family and best friends, with an IV in my left arm, and hooked up to machines. [...] After being admitted to the hospital for a couple of days, I made my way to recovery and built up enough strength and courage with the support of my loved ones enough to make it back home. [...] I’m looking towards the future and have been blinded by the brightness of it. After taking care of myself over the past few days, and talking through this situation with my family, friends, and managers, I am committed to creating only positive actions out of the deepest and darkest low I have found myself in with this."
That's heavy stuff. According to K!, Owens has checked into a mental health facility even though Owens' own journal entries seem to contradict these claims - he insists that his band will not cancel any of their shows. Either way, the best of luck to him in his recovery.
So, erm, it's three in the morning. I'm out. New Misery Signals fucking rips, by the way.
Wednesday, 9 July 2008
09/07/08
I don't normally get excited to buy a new Kerrang! every week if I'm being totally honest - I really enjoy writing this blog and that normally makes me eager to get a new issue - but the moment I saw the cover for #1218, I had a big ol' grin on my face. Converge, baby. That's all I needed to know.1. CONVERGE = LOUDER THAN SLAYER (p. 24)
For this week's cover story, Ian Winwood flew to Salem, Massachusettes to see Converge tear apart their practise space with a three song set of "Hellbound", "Heartache" and "To The Lions". In the veteran K! writer's words, "the effect is intense and impressive. But it's also frightening. It's as if there are four rattlesnakes in the room and no one knows quite where they are... The performance lasts less than ten minutes, but walking outside even the soupy New England air feels like light relief. I've seen Slayer practise and next to this they sounded like Simon & Garfunkel."
Louder than Slayer? Them's fighting words. To support this claim, however, I will tell you this: last year I flew to Belgium to see Converge play at a Belgian festival called Groezrock and despite only really knowing about six or seven songs, they were pretty much everything Winwood just described. Awesome awesome awesome live band; "Converge are exhausting" indeed.
2. HIM'S ODD MARKETING PLANS (p. 54)
Once upon a time, not everybody fell over themselves to fellate Ville Valo's love-metallers (stand up Mr Margera) - back in 1999 when the band's "Razorblade Romance" record dropped stateside, the band apparantly had to market the album under the name HER. How so? There was an American band of the same name with ex-members of Tortoise amongst its ranks. That's, erm intriguing. Or something. (Come on, I gotta put ten things. Ten.)
3. HOW TO SWEAR ON DAYTIME RADIO AND GET AWAY WITH IT (p. 45)
Oh, those Funeral For A Friend boys, they never fail to give me little tidbits of information for this blog. Turns out that "Streetcar", the lead single for their "Hours" album, enabled the band to get the word "cunt" played on daytime radio. Says drummer Ryan Richards, "Where the voices in the middle repeat the line 'I can't feel the same about you anymore', we got lots of people to say 'cunt' instead of 'can't'." Those wiley boys. With this and vocalist Matt Davies-Kreye's claim that you can hear him yell the C-word before the drums kick in, I will never be able to look at this heartfelt, tuneful song without thinking of one word: cunt. You pricks.
4. WIL FRANCIS NEEDS TO GET OVER IT (p. 43)
Okay, that's an unfair thing to say to a dude who's just been dumped by his fiancée and had to deal with a family member's assault - those are tough emotional troughs to dig through. But, really, William Control? A dark new-wave side-project with alter-ego ambitions? No no no no no no no no no. Even if your songs are about "dark shit" like (deep breath) "bondage, rape, religion, [your] contempt for Christianity, God", it kinda ruins it when you put yourself in the shoes of a fucking cartoon character. At least that's what it looks like to me from here. Leave dark alter-ego musical shit to MF Doom. Last time I checked, wiL Francis, you are not MF Doom. Although now, you can really never know now.
5. OH, THAT'S WHERE THEODORE WENT (p. 8)
Jon Theodore used to play drums with The Mars Volta, at least up until 2006's "Amputechture", but to be honest I had absolutely no idea where dude had gone (apart from probably the local jam spot). Turns out that he's the other half of Rage Against The Machine vocalist (feels so good not to say "ex-vocalist") Zack de la Rocha's side-project One Day As A Lion. Whatever it sounds like, the beats will be massive as Theodore's a pretty fucking awesome drummer. However, one song will always keep his name in my head and in my heart - and it's not a Mars Volta song. It's a song by J-pop behemoth Utada Hikaru by the name of "Kremlin Dusk" and it's utterly amazing and one of many reasons that the album it comes from flopped horribly in the States. I know that doesn't make it sound good at all, but this song's awesome. Listen, dammit. (And funnily enough, this links us back with number 2 - Jon Theodore ocassionally plays for the non-Ville Vallo HIM!)
6. UH OH, ACTING MUSICIANS (p. 8)
Okay, Frank Sinatra - given. Everyone else is still fair game, mind. And I don't think metal's given us many good actors (if Alice Cooper is any sign, at least) so I fear for Lamb Of God frontman Randy Blythe's debut in horror The Graves. Apparantly Blythe's going to play a "murderous church deacon called Deacon Luke". Riiiiiggghhhht. Best of luck to him, but if he's expected to deliver a respectable performance as a church deacon it's best he avoids the ol' devillock like the plague. (Ol' devillock... would that not be fitting?)
7. K! DON'T CARE FOR SKATEBOARD P (p. 16)
Now, I'm pretty sure that N.E.R.D. were on the bill for the Milton Keynes leg of Linkin Park's Projekt Revolution tour. There were posters and everything, right? You know the logo with the little brain there, that was there... right? And unless the photos from the Billionaire Boys Club blog are photoshopped like fuck, the band played to all those thousands of people... right? So... if N.E.R.D. were on the bill, played and what else, then... where's the review of their set? Is there a Neptunes embargo at the K! offices? Because I need to get me a good Neptunes embargo so I stop being disappointed by when Pharrell starts rapping about his Hermes bag. Still, I digress.
8. I WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH HAYLEY WILLIAMS (P. 71)
It isn't just because I want to use up a summer by playing bass for Paramore after seeing them at Give It A Name this year. It's not just because she's a crybaby like me (she cried when her friend got engaged - hell, I'd be bawling). And it's not just because she used the time sitting her SAT to write the lyrics for "Fences". Nope, it's the fact that the last song she'd want to hear before she dies would be "Vegas" by New Found Glory. And I quote: "You have to keep your eyes open/You'll never know if she's right...." I hope she likes Sega Saturns too.
9. SOUR CHERRIES IN THEIR OWN BAG?!?!?!? (p. 70)
Haribo Sour Cherries in their own bag. THEIR OWN BAG. Carl, if you're reading this, feel free to go apeshit with sugar joy.
10. SOMETIMES K! GETS IT RIGHT, SOMETIMES K! GETS IT PRETTY DAMN WRONG (p. 51-52)
Following a 4-K review from Paul Travers, I decided to throw on something from Whitechapel's newie, "This Is Exile" - one of the recommended tracks, "Of Legions" totally bored me. Sure, a good chug is always entertaining (just ask your brother) but when it goes on too long, it begins to just hurt (again, ask your brother). On the other hand, Nachtmystium, whose "Assassins: Black Meddle, Pt. 1" dropped with a 4-K review from Dan Slessor. And from the two recommended tracks I've heard, it's pretty goddamn fucking awesomely cool sweet. Good call, Slessor. Just goes to show that within the one magazine, one man's great record can be another's tripe. Or something. All I know are that Nachtmystium are pretty fucking sweet.
So, Converge, FFAF, sweet new albums and new Haribo sweets? A good week, I have to say.
Wednesday, 2 July 2008
02/07/08
Okay, so I didn't do a post on last week's Mindless Self Indulgence ish. So sue me, I had a lot of film festival stuff going on. Anyhoodles, on with #1217...
- FUNERAL FOR A FRIEND ARE MAKING ME FEEL OLD (p.07)
The news should be that those reliable Welsh rock rockers, Funeral For A Friend, are going out on tour with Cancer Bats and In Case Of Fire. Instead, I'm drawn to this statement from FFAF vocalist Matt Davis-Kreye:
"[Our] new album is going to be called Memory and Humanity... We are going with an October 13 release date - which is actually the fifth anniversary of when our album Casually Dressed and Deep in Conversation came out."
Wait, hold up, FIVE YEARS?! Dude. That makes me feel uncomfortable - five years ago, I was just about halfway through high school, was still straight-edge, still wore my Odd Project zip-up hoodie everywhere I went, was yet to experience a whole bunch of things in life. Hell, as for my two biggest fandoms for geekery, Lost wasn't yet on TV, and in Runaways we were still trying to make sure the series didn't get cancelled long enough so that we could find out who the goddamn "mole" was. That was a minute ago, methinks. Hell, I remember Casually Dressed dropping and people were going absolutely fucking insane for this band - remember when folk used to say "Juno" was better than "Juneau"? They're still a good band, and good luck to them with their ongoing relative longevity, but good God, I need to go shave or go wear an odd-fitting black t-shirt or throw a tantrum or something to feel 15 again.
Funeral For A Friend - Rookie of the Year
2. BRUCE DICKINSON'S PLANE IS FAMOUS (P. 25-26)
So, if you didn't know, Bruce Dickinson of Iron Maiden flies to most gigs in HIS OWN PLANE. Seriously. (It's nicknamed Ed Force One, after the band's mascot Eddie The 'Ead - nice touch.) What I didn't know is that it's become so recognisable now, cue Dicky:
"[Ed Force One's] been doing regular runs... someone's aircraft brakes (sic) down and Ed Force One will arrive... It's great publicity for us. It was a bit of a superstar at Gatwick. Everyone is spotting it on the runway and air traffic control are now like 'You, behind the Iron Maiden plane, you're clear to taxi'. They've stopped calling it an Astraeus 757, it's become the Iron Maiden place, so that is all quite entertaining."
Dude, that must be a surprise when your flight doesn't take off and instead of a mind-numbing delay, BRUCE FUCKING DICKINSON FROM IRON MAIDEN comes along to take you to your destination! I really hope this happens when I leave for Berlin later this month. Despite his rock star fame, Dicky is a responsible pilot and never flies directly after a show:
"[Because] of the CAA regulations you have to have a minimum period of rest whihc is always 12 hours. So I'm offstage at 11pm and the plane is leaving at 11am the next morning it's not going to happen. But if the plane's leaving between 2 or 3 o'clock the next day, I have a good night's kip, don't go out on the lash the night before and have a nice lie-in, then I'll get up and fly the aeroplane."
Quite.
3. WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO THE GA*GA*S? (p. 46)
Do you guys remember The Ga*Ga*s? Anybody? I was never a big fan, but they really seemed like one of those British rock bands that could tour and tour and tour forever, throwing out really fucking good songs whenever they felt like it. But then, they kinda vanished, only for three-quarters of the band to resurface in Slaves To Gravity. In this week's K!, I finally found out what happened: their label, Sanctuary, folded, they got dropped and they saw what they were building fall apart just around the same time they started to lose their patience with one another. Oh. Well, that was easy enough.
4. THE BEST DUMB TATTOO IDEA EVER (p. 44)
I love tattoos. I've always been interested in it and am happily waiting to get more than the measly one I have on my bicep (not measly, but you get the idea - measly in the sense of quantity, ahem). With this now, I have a habit of convincing friends that I am going to get tattoos that in my right mind I would never get. A fridge with the Star of David on top. A donkey wearing a leather jacket with the legend "BADASS" written on his back. Minnie Mouse doing a wheelie on a jetski (yeah, I know, not possible but still). A hardcopy version of Franz Kafka's "The Trial" on my inner thigh. An Enchanted backpiece that copies every aspect of the poster. Still, I haven't heard a tattoo idea in some time quite as stupid as Martin Mendez of Opeth's, who considered getting the AC/DC logo on his balls. According to guitarist Fredrik Åkesson, Mendez pulled out of the idea because he was "worried that the line in the middle might hurt too much". Still, points for effort.
5. THE DESCENDENTS LASH OUT AT THE OFFSPRING... (p.43)
...about a million years ago, I'm guessing. I just read that the Descendants labelled The Offspring, who count the 'cendants as a big inspiration, as a "novelty" band. They must have confused "Pretty Fly (For A Rabbi)" with the original, but I'd say that's Weird Al's fault. Dammit, Al!
Descendents - Hateful Notebook
6. JACOB BANNON IS IMMEDIATELY PART OF THE DIPSET MOVEMENT (p. 30)
This is just too fucking priceless not to note. Jacob Bannon, vocalist for ultra-mega-influential-and-also-really-fucking-awesome hardcore nuts Converge, is there in all his mega-tattooed, newly bleach-blonde glory, talking about tattoos, faith, his ambitions, growing up and-- fuck it, who cares when he's wearing a goddamn Diplomats t-shirt?! If you've never heard of Dipset/Byrd Gang, you're really behind. These guys are absolutely insane as far as hip-hop crews. I don't have a scanner that allows me to take a picture of this photo, but it beggars belief. I love this kind of shit.
Juelz Santana - Santana's Town (feat. Cam'Ron)
7. TOM BRYANT GETS IT JUST RIGHT (p. 50)
Yeah, Cute Is What We Aim For suck. Not pure-hatred-suck or even what-has-happened-to-my-rock-n-roll-suck. Just "suck". But nothing that's horrendous, because I personally can get why people like these guys, even if I don't. To quote Tom Bryant's review of the band's new release, Rotation; "[The album] is exactly what you would expect of a Fueled By Ramen band in 2008 - sleek, slick, and sellable with little in the way of surprises and much of what you might expect... well executed." Well, that sums it up pretty much perfectly. Still, I have to fall back and say that "Navigate Me" does not only suck, but is also really creepy.
Cute Is What We Aim For - Navigate Me
8. DRAGONFORCE, YET AGAIN, WIN THE PRIZE FOR BEST ALBUM TITLE OF THE YEAR (p. 8)
Unanimously, might I add. Following Valley of the Damned, Sonic Firestorm and - yes! - Inhuman Rampage, power-metal dudes are releasing a new album in August by the name of (and I really need to put caps on for this) ULTRA BEATDOWN. Yes, say it with me: ULTRA BEATDOWN. It's an album title so ridiculously good that writing it with lower case letters would be nothing more than sacrilege. Apparantly "there's no slow bits" on the album. To be fair, they say that for every record they bring out, but goddammit, ULTRA BEATDOWN?! Until someone releases an album called Nutty Emporium, this is the album title of the year. I can't wait to hear how OTT this record is.
Dragonforce - Black Winter Night
9. UNDEROATH FAIL TO USURP DRAGONFORCE'S REIGN (p. 8)
The post-hardcore band's new album will be called Lost in the Sound of Seperation which, despite being okay, is nowhere near as cool as ULTRA BEATDOWN. To recap: Underoath -0. DragonForce - 4, 128, 000.
Underoath - I'm Content With Losing
10. COUNT GRISHNACKH DENIED PAROLE (p. 8)
Count Grishnackh (a.k.a. Varg Vikernes of Burzum, Mayhem and Darkthrone fame) has been denied parole for the second time. Just as well, really. Even if he's made some badass music, he did brutally murder Øystein Aarseth (a.k.a. Euronymous), his bandmate in Mayhem, set fire to a bunch of churches and escaped jail a few years back so... sorry dude. I can't really say much more because I'm not really a big BM dude, but what the fuck does he expect? Agh. There's a million Darkthrone songs that refer to death in their title but I chose this one in particular to be special!
Darkthrone - Black Victory Of Death
So, until next week, then.
Wednesday, 18 June 2008
18/06/08
First post! Let's see what I learnt from #1215:1. FROM AUTUMN TO ASHES SPLIT UP (p.13)
This week's Kerrang! says that the NYHC outfit, responsible for some true bangers along with, well, at least two albums worth of filler, have gone on indefinite hiatus (read "called it a day"). Shame. Saw them twice - once with their original vocalist Benjamin Perri as headliners on the Vagrant Tour, and they were pretty awesome. The second time was at Pukkelpop last year, where they didn't really seem to connect with the crowd, even though they did rip through "The After Dinner Payback". Ach well. Still more pissed off about the lack of coverage concerning the recent Reuben split - it's been relegated to the letters section. Dude.
From Autumn To Ashes - The After Dinner Payback
Reuben - Deadly Lethal Ninja Assassin
2. CHESTER BENINGTON IS STILL UNINTERESTING (p.20-23)
No matter how many cover stories Linkin Park gain over the years, no matter how many millions of records they sell or collabos with rappers they do, Chester Benington will still give out uninteresting interviews. Okay, yeah, we know he had a stalker, yeah. He's friends with the Velvet Revolver guys. His wife is a former Playmate. Linkin Park DEFINITELY DON'T LIP SYNC LIVE. You know, you've read it all before. The most interesting thing you find out about dude is that he once yelled at his bandmates for smearing pudding over his face while he was asleep when really he'd fallen asleep while eating it. The cover (above) offers an insight into the "DARK SIDE OF SUPERSTARDOM" but... really?
3. THE OTHER GUYS IN LINKIN PARK ARE MORE INTERESTING (p.22)
Mike Shinoda's the dude - not only being charming, he's an artist and can actually rap (stop hating and check out his verses in the tracks below!) but DJ Joe Hahn has always been the most mysterious member of LP. Nice to see he's keeping up his rep by walking out of meet-and-greets, even though it does make you look like a total prick.
Busta Rhymes feat. Linkin Park - We Made It
BONUS: Fort Minor feat. Ghostface Killah & Lupe Fiasco - Spraypaint and Ink Pens
4. GRANT NICHOLAS COULD LIVE WITHOUT "BUCK RODGERS" (p. 29)
Says the Feeder frontman, "Part of me is annoyed about the song because we've written so many better ones and that's the hi. The other part of me is proud of it because we proved we could write a great pop song." True, but as an aside, when they headlined Download in 2005, I went to go see Billy Idol instead. Good choice. Billy Idol fucking rules.
Feeder - Buck Rogers (the video to this is priceless, and everyone loves elephants)
5. MARTA FROM BLEEDING THROUGH IS STILL HOT (p. 12, 37 & 45)
Yup.
Andrew W.K. - She Is Beautiful
At this point, I have to admit that I actually love my girlfriend far more. Sorry Marta.
6. ROB HALFORD AND QUENTIN TARANTINO HAVE SHARED INTERESTS IN OBSCURITY (p. 77)
Judas Priest frontman Rob Halford's first gig as a wean was watching UK beat combo Dave Dee, Dozey, Beaky, Mick and Tich. Quentin Tarantino loves Dave Dee, Dozey, Beaky, Mick and Tich and used their song "Hold Tight" in an especially NSFW scene in "Death Proof". There could be something here, I think.
Dave Dee, Beaky, Mick and Tich - Hold Tight
7. WHOEVER'S PLAYING GUITAR ON p. 78 LOOKS LIKE RUTGER HAUER (p. 78)
Anybody who could help me on who the hell this guy is? Please?
Rutger Hauer's death scene in "Blade Runner"
8. KIDS ARE ADORABLE (p. 52)
Back in the end of primary school, I was asked to monitor a first year class full of young kids and failed spectacuarly. They hit me, yelled too much and were really rude so I straightened out things but bursting open a yoghurt container... against a chair. It went, arguably, downhill from there. Kids are a lot smarter and insulting than I think, something I'm reminded everytime I man the desk at work. So before I can break down and say that I hate kids, I take a look at the adorable little girl - presumably the daughter of one of the K! writers - by the name of Yuki (I think) and my cynicism melts. I mean, awwww, look at her! Plus, she was at Download! Cool parents. I bet little Yuki really dug Municipal Waste.
Black Lips - How Do You Tell A Child That Someone Has Died?
9. RIVERS CUOMO USED TO BE A TOTAL PRICK (p. 27)
I love this man because he wrote "Pinkerton", basically an album anybody who uses the word "emo" should buy. (By the way, stop saying "emo", people. You're not cool.) But it turns out that the Weezer frontman has been a total twat in the past - for example, while touring the s/t "Green" album in 2001, he threw a tantrum which culminated in him kicking the K! writer covering the story and the band's press officer off their tourbus in the middle of Spain, forcing the pair "to walk an hour and a half back to the hotel". Jesus. I'm guessing he, er, didn't give a hoot what they thought.
Weezer - Pork and Beans (Acoustic)
10. SLIPKNOT HAVE NEW SHIT ON THE WAY (p. 12)
Fuck you if you don't dig this. This is good news. They're dropping a free new single in two days, keep an eye out for a review! (Maybe.)
Slipknot - People=Shit
Soooooo, til next week, where you can expect a smaller, worse written, more frantic version as I'm still in Edinburgh for the film festival. Which is cool.
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