Friday 26 December 2008
sci-fi watch: the introduction
Because I'm a massive Lost geek, I decided a way to kill time between seasons would be to join The Lost Bookclub on Livejournal, which finally gave me an opportunity to read Watership Down (which is great) but also introduced me to Robert Heinlein's seemingly endless novel. Stranger in a Strange Land is about a man born on Mars by the name of Valentine Michael Smith, who is brought to Earth then imprisoned by the US government. However, they didn't count on a journalist by the name of Ben Caxton and his girlfriend Gillian Boardman, a nurse. Caxton is abducted due to his anti-government writings, Gillian captures Michael and runs to Caxton's friend, "Jubal E. Harshaw, LL.B., M.D., Sc.D., bon vivant, gourmet, sybarite, popular author extraordinary, neo-pessimist philosopher, devout agnostic, professional clown, amateur subversive, and parasite by choice." And it's around this point that the enjoyable novel falls apart as we are privy to page after page after page of Jubal talking about everything he can think of in relation to the Martian in his midst. It's the kind of talky-wannabe-philosophical bullshit that pisses me off when I read - do we really expect smart people to talk like that? And at such great length? Just because they're smart? (Oh, and he's blatantly an unlovable misogynist: "As I was saying, a woman who can't cook is a waste of skin. If I don't start having some service around here I'm going to swap all of you for a dog and shoot the dog. What's the dessert, Miriam?") Here's a rough example of how a Jubal/Gill/whoever-is-in-his-vicinity-enough-to-listen conversation:
JUBAL: You see, this is the problem. Bon vivant.
NOT JUBAL: But, but, I disagree!
JUBAL: You are an imbecile because [four pages of explaining why he is so smart, briefly and rarely in relation to the point he has to make and usually in reference to some kind of religious deity so you know he's smarter than you]. Altruistically.
NOT JUBAL: Ah, I am a fool all along!
JUBAL: I hate women!
So, now I hate this book. There is no sense of drama whatsoever - the US government's search for Michael is halted by basically how big Jubal Harshaw's brain is, which also brings back Ben Caxton, who the plot (and previous main character, Gillian) has forgotten. So, there's no threat - as a matter of fact, everyone sits down and has a press conference before retiring to a tea party or such bullshit (cue Jubal ranting on for twenty-seven or so pages). Then, because it was the Sixties at the time, a mature exploration of sexual politics!
"As they merged, grokking together, Mike said softly and triumphantly: 'Thou art God.'
Her answer was not in words. Then, as their grokking made them ever closer and Mike felt himself almost to ready to discorporate, her voice called him back: 'Oh!... Oh! Thou art God!'
'We grok God.'"
Or not. y'see, Valentine Michael Smith becomes a hunk, basically fucking every woman he can due to his quest to "grok", which the book coined as a Martian term for sharing the same line of reality with someone else. He doesn't fuck guys, though, because he doesn't grok them (grokking hurts my brain) and goes about dodging their advances by looking - no shit - less adrogynous. And that's before Gillian says "Nine times out of ten, if a girl gets raped, it's at least partly her own fault". Fuck you, Robert Heinlein.
So, you'd think I'd be throwing this book away yet? No. I'm sorry, I've spent too much time reading it to just chuck it away, even if I know how it ends (Michael gets shot, haha spoiler) and I know I'll hate the end. I've been reading it for ages - it's time to destroy this book. Of course, there's also the claim that this is the best book in the entire sci-fi genre. Whaaaaaat? People, throw me your recommendations already: give me your sci-fi favourites and, hell, I'll read 'em. They can't be worse than Heinlein's, y'grok?
FRENCH MIAMI - Science Fiction
(found via The Bay Bridged)
Okay, this is what Stranger in a Strange Land (probably) influenced:
- the word "grok" to be used by nerds
- that really lame episode of Lost where Jack had an affair with Bai Ling's crazy tattooist chick
- Iron Maiden, maybe
- Jubal Harshaw seems like a less-hilarious and more dispicable version of The Architect, pre-Wachowskis
- the Church of All Worlds, who will never reawaken Gaia with a website like this
- Junichi Oguro's minimalist IDM project, Grok (amongst many others)
So, don't buy me any Heinlein stuff in the near future. Ahem.
-DA.XOXO
Wednesday 20 August 2008
20/08/08
Whoa, bet you (whoever you are, reading this) didn't expect me to update this one! Well guess what, I did. Suckers. My visits to random parts of Europe are sadly over for the year and I'm blogging Kerrang! #1224 despite the fact I should be in bed healing a foot tattoo. Professionalism, dudes. Let's get on with the harshness.
1. WOW, YOU GUYS SOUND LIKE PRICKS TOO (p. 67)
For the past couple of weeks now, I've been opening the pages of Kerrang! to find some painfully wacky advert for a band by the name of My Final Hope. Everytime I see this, I judge the book by its cover - four guys, with ridiculous haircuts and colourful Topshop tshirts, pulling Alien Ant Farm faces while they pose with their instruments. Woah, the bassist is smiling and holding his bass upwards! Woah, that guy's keyboard could fall over! The drummer's hanging through his bassdrum!... you get the idea. Basically, I called it - these guys suck. But you know what? That's not a fair appraisal of My Final Hope's music. So I checked it out today and HOLY SHIT these guys know how to fucking rock!
...actually, no. They're literally as bad as I thought. I will give you know mp3s here by the band but I will give you this picture so you have some idea of what I'm getting at. Christ.
2. SKA-PUNK LUMINARY REPS BOTH L.A. AND CHICAGO (p. 46)
Or so says Vinnie Fiorello from Less Than Jake, who knows both handshakes for the Bloods and the Vice Lords. That's, erm... huh? "They're good to know when you're out and about," says Fiorello, and I'm sure, but when do guys in ska-punk bands find themselves having to throw up sets in gang territory? Seriously? Did he learn the Blood handshake just so he could talk to Snoop Dogg at Projekt Revolution all those years ago? Because, wow, that shit would've backfired.
Three Six Mafia - Gang Signs
3. JUSTIN HAWKINS STILL PLAYS "I BELIEVE IN A THING CALLED LOVE" LIVE (p. 4)
I read this on the letters page and, really, any excuse...
The Darkness - I Believe In A Thing Called Love
4. SOME BANDS ARE DELUSIONAL ABOUT THEIR NAMES (p. 16)
I recently skimmed over an article in the NME about how important it is to pick the right band name so that people will listen to you - that's the reason why Muse aren't called Rocket Baby Dolls and why Negro Wives are now R.E.M. That's pretty true - to be honest, the fact This Week's Kicking Boys My Final Hope are called My Final Hope is one of the reasons I dared to venture nowhere near their music - and it extends to one of this week's Introducing bands, I Hate Kate. Guff name. But wait... courtesy of singer/guitarist Justin Mauriello, there's a STORY BEHIND IT!
"[Kate] was actually a girlfriend of a buddy of mine. This girl had to be the most evil person I'd ever met. Everyone hated her, she was the Devil, she really was. One day I actually said 'Man, I hate Kate', and it sounded like a cool name for a band. I was actually bet $5 that i wouldn't call my band by that name, but I did."
Well then. It is, to be fair, a better name than Negro Wives. (Which is actually growing on me, albeit a good twenty-eight years too late.)
I Hate Kate - Embrace the Curse
5. I CAN TWIST THE RULES OF THIS BLOG BECAUSE I WRITE IT (p. 42)
Yeah, serious! How sweet is that? The reason I say that is because the thing I want to point out isn't actually something I read in Kerrang!, but in Rock Sound. In K!, Corey Taylor talks about how awesome it is to come back to the UK for Reading/Leeds, blah blah blah, but the fact Slipknot are playing inbetween Tenacious D and Metallica psyches him out. That's because Corey Taylor, as I found out, plays in a Tenacious D cover band by the name of Audacious P! NO SHIT. Thank you Rock Sound - a monthly blog is on the way. (No, actually, it sure as hell ain't.)
Audacious P - Scooby Doo, Where Are You? (for the uninitiated, not a song by the D. Shame.)
So, Metallica.
...hey, talking of Metallica!
6. IAN WINWOOD HITS HARD WITH THE DEJA VU (p. 27)
The last time Metallica headlined the Reading/Leeds festival, it was 2003 and Blur were still together. That is a long goddamned time, yet in this week's cover story, Ian Winwood finds a way to end his 2008 article the very same way as the 2003 article, which I remember pretty well: "Be ready." To paraphrase Winwood's pervious article ending:
"Metallica are coming. Be ready."
Compared to this year:
"Death Magnetic will be here next month. Be ready."
Five years and he couldn't think up a different ending line? Is this part of a trilogy? Am I just a weirdo for noticing these things?
Metallica - Cyanide (Live)
7. MORE ROCK STARS MARRIED TO OTHER ROCK STARS (p. 41)
...To use the term lightly, of course. Turns out that Jimmy Urine of Mindless Self Indulgence is married to Chantal Claret, vocalist for New Yorkers Morningwood. Quoth the Urine: "I saw this band play and [Claret] is an amazing performer. In fact, she was so good that I thought she was way better than me at her in-betweens and so much smarter and more comedic and so natural that I ended up marrying her! They are like a monster truck rally combined with fucking a Bond girl. I got totally swept off my feet."
Awwww!!! That's still not as nice as Omar Little and Fran Boyd getting married, but still.
Morningwood - New York Girls
8. DRAGONFORCE KNOW THEY'RE ONE-TRICK PONIES (p. 48-9)
Okay, they're still a fun band, and their many many loyal fans will rush out and buy ULTRA BEATDOWN (the all-caps rule still applies) when it's out on record shelves, but one can't help but shake the feeling that Dragonforce have hit a glass ceiling. This could be as far as it goes with these guys, folks: despite getting a 4-K rating for their newie, Paul Travers basically says that this is the same album as the last one, detailing a hilariously elaborate description of BEATDOWN's sound ("a cross between Queen and the Latvian entry for the Eurovision Song Contest") and then admitting that the "exact same description" fits for any of the band's previous long-players.
In the inlet on the next page, Travers straight up asks guitarist Herman Li whether or not his band are just playing "variations on a theme". Li says that there are "more changes" on ULTRA BEATDOWN rather than just being a 4000mph riffathon in the spirit of Inhuman Rampage. I'll judge when I hear the album in full but, really, isn't there nowhere else these guys could go now? Aside from Guitar Hero IV?
Dragonforce - The Warrior Inside
9. METAL BANDS LIVE IN JOCKISH VIDEO GAMES (p. 10)
Dragonforce are inspired by ridiculous video game music, hence all the Pac Man noises in their music. Now, video game music is FUCKING POPULAR MUSIC. This never gets old to me! (I play a Game Boy Advance and a Sega Saturn, for goodness' sake, this is INSANE.) Now, whoever thought that Trivium's ass-blaster (and that's a compliment) of a song "Into the Mouth of Hell We March" would work with the helmeted action of a John Madden American football game? Certainly not me. And not with the rest of the batshit soundtrack for the game. Airbourne? In Flames? Busta Rhymes? Wale? Kidz In The Hall? Mindless Self Indulgence? How does that make sense in any way?
Trivium - Into the Mouth of Hell We March
10. GALLOWS, THANKFULLY NOT COMPROMISING (p. 45)
I love Gallows. My friends know this very well. They just blast shit left right and centre and somehow became one of the biggest bands in Britain with an album that addressed family collapse, sexual politics (and the crimes that come with it) and oppressive small-town life. Sweet! So it's a joy to hear that while the band are broadening their horizons on their upcoming album, they're still writing what they want, nevermind anybody else. When asked by Tom Bryant on what would happen if the fans hate the new album, vocalist/professional ginge Frank Carter has one thing to say: "I wouldn't give a fuck. Fuck them." I should be insulted, but I'm actually really pleased by all the pre-game talk. Go on, bring on a new record then!
Gallows - Gold Dust
So, erm, my foot hurts. Like, hopping-on-one-leg-hurts. I'm fucking off to bed.
Wednesday 6 August 2008
06/08/08
Anyhoodles, The Gaslight Anthem are on the cover of K! #1222. This is a good thing and even though I'm having one of those silly moments where the cool band you like is no longer your cool band (don't try and fake like it's never happened to you!), it's great that these guys may be following Against Me! in blowing up bigtime. It'd be sweet too, because then my friends wouldn't have to travel down to somewhere in Birmingdonshire to check them out as they could just play Glasgow venues. Sweet! And on with this week's issue...
1. KERRANG! REALLY CAN BREAK A BAND. RIGHT? (p. 22-26)
Gallows, Dragonforce, Cancer Bats, Madina Lake, Against Me!: something all these bands share in common is that they arguably broke out from their respective scenes into the public consensus via the K! hype machine. Sure, certain bands go on to hate the magazine or some at least make snarky comments about the publication, but Kerrang! and its writers love to show its readers bands they love. And Ian Winwood, the writer of this week's cover story, has pushed for The Gaslight Anthem. Now on the one hand, this is pretty unsurprising stuff, seeing as Winwood has always favoured bands from the US punk scene (e.g. Bad Religion, Converge, the aforementioned Against Me!); yet on the other hand, TGA have never been covered in the pages of the magazine. (Well, that's a lie actually. I saw an ad for them in the Live listings... as if that truly counts).
The piece, despite seeming pretty unremarkable to me, does its job - you get an idea of where the origins of the band came from (vocalist/guitarist Brian Fallon decided to form a band after being rejected from art school), their work ethic ("We're not afraid of struggle") and an idea of what the music's like ("the sound of punk rock rediscovering its own soul", psshh). Introduction sorted. Now, can K! really have the power to make this band popular? It's one of the biggest publications of its kind, still has some kind of influence on its readers, and has pushed bands like the ones mentioned above to a level past mere notoriety. But (putting aside the accessibility of their music for one moment) do you really see The Gaslight Anthem being one of those bands that grows massive? Take a listen if you haven't already and think about it - can this week's inclusion go towards "breaking" TGA? Is it even possible? Or am I thinking there's too many ulterior motives behind the article?
The Gaslight Anthem - The '59 Sound
2. THINGS I'LL NEVER GET TO DO, PART 273 (p. 27)
One time, travelling through Peru with family on a badly air-conditioned bus through really goddamn high roads, we found ourselves stopping off for some paella for lunch. The stuff was too much for my stomach to handle, so I headed for the toilets only to be utterly terrified at what I saw. I won't go into too much detail, but I remember two very dirty footstands being dangerously close to the... hole. Long story short, I didn't go, and that toilet remains the worst I have ever been near. Ever.
So why do I get weird, bordering-on-insane heart pangs when I know that I'll never be able to top this experience by venturing into the toilets at legendary NYC club CBGBs? To quote Alkaline Trio's Matt Skiba: "I've taken a shit in some pretty bad places. I took one in CBGB's and that place is gnarly. There was no door and it was filthy." Dude, I'll never get to walk in that and flinch. 'Tis a sad day.
3. JAEGERMEISTER, KINGS OF METAL SPONSORSHIP (p. 47)
Maybe it's because I don't drink, but I'm never going to understand how an obscure 73-year-old German digestif became the metal drink of choice. Seriously, Jägermeister? It's expensive as fuck - like the metal equivalent of Moet - and apparantly utterly rank. But despite all that, I've witnessed too many bands publicising the shit. I actually remember being at Download a few years back and catching virtuoso prog-metallers SikTh whore themselves out for the brand: "We just came to the festival site and thought we should drink down some fucking Jägermeisters!!!" Embarassing. Yet it even ends up being the drink of choice on the Rockstar Energy Mayhem tour ("20 bottles of Jägermeister on ice", sheeeittt). Hell, Rockstar Energy is a soft drink yet they get owned by the elk'n'cross? Something's gotta give.
Hell, what do I know. I'm sticking with a Shirley Temple. Metal!
Absurd - Ein Jaeger Aus Walhall
4. LARS ULRICH FAILS TO MAKE US FEEL SAFE (p. 7)
I know a lot of people don't believe Metallica are dropping a good album this year with Death Magnetic and, to be totally honest, drummer Lars Ulrich doesn't really fill me full with confidence. "I can say that this is the best album Metallica could have made!" Now, it's all in one word: "could". Yes, "could" fills me with a little bit of dread as it makes me think that they knew they are able to do so so so so much better. Maybe. I guess if you look too much into sentences like I do, Ulrich's just setting you up for disappointment. (Maybe not, seeing how I am one of the twelve people in the world who actually kinda liked St. Anger. I know, I know, I'm an idiot. And I'm seeing them next week for the third time, so yeah, I call bullshit on myself.)
5. K! GRUDGINGLY DOES SPIN (p. 8)
"Hinder will releasing the much anticipated fo--" Woah, hold up. Hold up. Seriously? Hinder's new record is eagerly anticipated? Seriously? I'm leaving this one to the good Axl Rosenberg. (Side note: noting the producer of the band's new record, K! put Puddle Of Mudd as Puddle Of The Mudd. Wow, that shows how relevant they stayed.)
6. GERARD WAY WINS COMIC BOOK AWARD; DESERVES IT (p. 12)
Gerard Way and artist Gabriel Ba won an Eisner award for Best Limited Series for The Umbrella Academy! Sweet. Now, go check out the comic, fucknuts.
Rihanna feat. Jay-Z - Umbrella
7. REALLY? VICTORY? ...SERIOUSLY? (p. 42)
I'm not going to rag too long on Hawthorne Heights, seeing as how most of David McLaughlin's article addresses the tragic death of guitarist/vocalist Casey Calvert last year. But the band are just about to drop their third record, "Fragile Future", on none other than Victory Records, the record label they were embroiled in with a legal brouhahaha since 2006. Huh?
"We said down together and settled our differences," says singer JT Woodruff; "The lawsuit taught us that it is best to handle your problems by talking them out. Filing a lawsuit is just so impersonal. You fight and fight and fight and in the end, nobody wins." Yeah, but going back to Victory Records, notorious for label boss Tony Brummel's hard-headed, aggressive and creepy leadership/marketing/fuckery tactics (as you can read in former Victory employee Ramsey Dean's exposé "The Horror" - well worth reading, by the by)? Erm...
Hawthorne Heights - Silver Bullet
8. UGH (p.1-71)
Seriously, that's all I've got this week. Have some mp3s from Misery Signals's 3-K-rated "Controller", because it truly is the shit.
Misery Signals - Set In Motion
I'm in Belgium next week. Take it east. Yes, east.
Wednesday 30 July 2008
30/07/08
Wednesday 9 July 2008
09/07/08
Wednesday 2 July 2008
02/07/08
Okay, so I didn't do a post on last week's Mindless Self Indulgence ish. So sue me, I had a lot of film festival stuff going on. Anyhoodles, on with #1217...
- FUNERAL FOR A FRIEND ARE MAKING ME FEEL OLD (p.07)
The news should be that those reliable Welsh rock rockers, Funeral For A Friend, are going out on tour with Cancer Bats and In Case Of Fire. Instead, I'm drawn to this statement from FFAF vocalist Matt Davis-Kreye:
"[Our] new album is going to be called Memory and Humanity... We are going with an October 13 release date - which is actually the fifth anniversary of when our album Casually Dressed and Deep in Conversation came out."
Wait, hold up, FIVE YEARS?! Dude. That makes me feel uncomfortable - five years ago, I was just about halfway through high school, was still straight-edge, still wore my Odd Project zip-up hoodie everywhere I went, was yet to experience a whole bunch of things in life. Hell, as for my two biggest fandoms for geekery, Lost wasn't yet on TV, and in Runaways we were still trying to make sure the series didn't get cancelled long enough so that we could find out who the goddamn "mole" was. That was a minute ago, methinks. Hell, I remember Casually Dressed dropping and people were going absolutely fucking insane for this band - remember when folk used to say "Juno" was better than "Juneau"? They're still a good band, and good luck to them with their ongoing relative longevity, but good God, I need to go shave or go wear an odd-fitting black t-shirt or throw a tantrum or something to feel 15 again.
Funeral For A Friend - Rookie of the Year
2. BRUCE DICKINSON'S PLANE IS FAMOUS (P. 25-26)
So, if you didn't know, Bruce Dickinson of Iron Maiden flies to most gigs in HIS OWN PLANE. Seriously. (It's nicknamed Ed Force One, after the band's mascot Eddie The 'Ead - nice touch.) What I didn't know is that it's become so recognisable now, cue Dicky:
"[Ed Force One's] been doing regular runs... someone's aircraft brakes (sic) down and Ed Force One will arrive... It's great publicity for us. It was a bit of a superstar at Gatwick. Everyone is spotting it on the runway and air traffic control are now like 'You, behind the Iron Maiden plane, you're clear to taxi'. They've stopped calling it an Astraeus 757, it's become the Iron Maiden place, so that is all quite entertaining."
Dude, that must be a surprise when your flight doesn't take off and instead of a mind-numbing delay, BRUCE FUCKING DICKINSON FROM IRON MAIDEN comes along to take you to your destination! I really hope this happens when I leave for Berlin later this month. Despite his rock star fame, Dicky is a responsible pilot and never flies directly after a show:
"[Because] of the CAA regulations you have to have a minimum period of rest whihc is always 12 hours. So I'm offstage at 11pm and the plane is leaving at 11am the next morning it's not going to happen. But if the plane's leaving between 2 or 3 o'clock the next day, I have a good night's kip, don't go out on the lash the night before and have a nice lie-in, then I'll get up and fly the aeroplane."
Quite.
3. WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO THE GA*GA*S? (p. 46)
Do you guys remember The Ga*Ga*s? Anybody? I was never a big fan, but they really seemed like one of those British rock bands that could tour and tour and tour forever, throwing out really fucking good songs whenever they felt like it. But then, they kinda vanished, only for three-quarters of the band to resurface in Slaves To Gravity. In this week's K!, I finally found out what happened: their label, Sanctuary, folded, they got dropped and they saw what they were building fall apart just around the same time they started to lose their patience with one another. Oh. Well, that was easy enough.
4. THE BEST DUMB TATTOO IDEA EVER (p. 44)
I love tattoos. I've always been interested in it and am happily waiting to get more than the measly one I have on my bicep (not measly, but you get the idea - measly in the sense of quantity, ahem). With this now, I have a habit of convincing friends that I am going to get tattoos that in my right mind I would never get. A fridge with the Star of David on top. A donkey wearing a leather jacket with the legend "BADASS" written on his back. Minnie Mouse doing a wheelie on a jetski (yeah, I know, not possible but still). A hardcopy version of Franz Kafka's "The Trial" on my inner thigh. An Enchanted backpiece that copies every aspect of the poster. Still, I haven't heard a tattoo idea in some time quite as stupid as Martin Mendez of Opeth's, who considered getting the AC/DC logo on his balls. According to guitarist Fredrik Åkesson, Mendez pulled out of the idea because he was "worried that the line in the middle might hurt too much". Still, points for effort.
5. THE DESCENDENTS LASH OUT AT THE OFFSPRING... (p.43)
...about a million years ago, I'm guessing. I just read that the Descendants labelled The Offspring, who count the 'cendants as a big inspiration, as a "novelty" band. They must have confused "Pretty Fly (For A Rabbi)" with the original, but I'd say that's Weird Al's fault. Dammit, Al!
Descendents - Hateful Notebook
6. JACOB BANNON IS IMMEDIATELY PART OF THE DIPSET MOVEMENT (p. 30)
This is just too fucking priceless not to note. Jacob Bannon, vocalist for ultra-mega-influential-and-also-really-fucking-awesome hardcore nuts Converge, is there in all his mega-tattooed, newly bleach-blonde glory, talking about tattoos, faith, his ambitions, growing up and-- fuck it, who cares when he's wearing a goddamn Diplomats t-shirt?! If you've never heard of Dipset/Byrd Gang, you're really behind. These guys are absolutely insane as far as hip-hop crews. I don't have a scanner that allows me to take a picture of this photo, but it beggars belief. I love this kind of shit.
Juelz Santana - Santana's Town (feat. Cam'Ron)
7. TOM BRYANT GETS IT JUST RIGHT (p. 50)
Yeah, Cute Is What We Aim For suck. Not pure-hatred-suck or even what-has-happened-to-my-rock-n-roll-suck. Just "suck". But nothing that's horrendous, because I personally can get why people like these guys, even if I don't. To quote Tom Bryant's review of the band's new release, Rotation; "[The album] is exactly what you would expect of a Fueled By Ramen band in 2008 - sleek, slick, and sellable with little in the way of surprises and much of what you might expect... well executed." Well, that sums it up pretty much perfectly. Still, I have to fall back and say that "Navigate Me" does not only suck, but is also really creepy.
Cute Is What We Aim For - Navigate Me
8. DRAGONFORCE, YET AGAIN, WIN THE PRIZE FOR BEST ALBUM TITLE OF THE YEAR (p. 8)
Unanimously, might I add. Following Valley of the Damned, Sonic Firestorm and - yes! - Inhuman Rampage, power-metal dudes are releasing a new album in August by the name of (and I really need to put caps on for this) ULTRA BEATDOWN. Yes, say it with me: ULTRA BEATDOWN. It's an album title so ridiculously good that writing it with lower case letters would be nothing more than sacrilege. Apparantly "there's no slow bits" on the album. To be fair, they say that for every record they bring out, but goddammit, ULTRA BEATDOWN?! Until someone releases an album called Nutty Emporium, this is the album title of the year. I can't wait to hear how OTT this record is.
Dragonforce - Black Winter Night
9. UNDEROATH FAIL TO USURP DRAGONFORCE'S REIGN (p. 8)
The post-hardcore band's new album will be called Lost in the Sound of Seperation which, despite being okay, is nowhere near as cool as ULTRA BEATDOWN. To recap: Underoath -0. DragonForce - 4, 128, 000.
Underoath - I'm Content With Losing
10. COUNT GRISHNACKH DENIED PAROLE (p. 8)
Count Grishnackh (a.k.a. Varg Vikernes of Burzum, Mayhem and Darkthrone fame) has been denied parole for the second time. Just as well, really. Even if he's made some badass music, he did brutally murder Øystein Aarseth (a.k.a. Euronymous), his bandmate in Mayhem, set fire to a bunch of churches and escaped jail a few years back so... sorry dude. I can't really say much more because I'm not really a big BM dude, but what the fuck does he expect? Agh. There's a million Darkthrone songs that refer to death in their title but I chose this one in particular to be special!
Darkthrone - Black Victory Of Death
So, until next week, then.
Wednesday 18 June 2008
18/06/08
1. FROM AUTUMN TO ASHES SPLIT UP (p.13)
This week's Kerrang! says that the NYHC outfit, responsible for some true bangers along with, well, at least two albums worth of filler, have gone on indefinite hiatus (read "called it a day"). Shame. Saw them twice - once with their original vocalist Benjamin Perri as headliners on the Vagrant Tour, and they were pretty awesome. The second time was at Pukkelpop last year, where they didn't really seem to connect with the crowd, even though they did rip through "The After Dinner Payback". Ach well. Still more pissed off about the lack of coverage concerning the recent Reuben split - it's been relegated to the letters section. Dude.
From Autumn To Ashes - The After Dinner Payback
Reuben - Deadly Lethal Ninja Assassin
2. CHESTER BENINGTON IS STILL UNINTERESTING (p.20-23)
No matter how many cover stories Linkin Park gain over the years, no matter how many millions of records they sell or collabos with rappers they do, Chester Benington will still give out uninteresting interviews. Okay, yeah, we know he had a stalker, yeah. He's friends with the Velvet Revolver guys. His wife is a former Playmate. Linkin Park DEFINITELY DON'T LIP SYNC LIVE. You know, you've read it all before. The most interesting thing you find out about dude is that he once yelled at his bandmates for smearing pudding over his face while he was asleep when really he'd fallen asleep while eating it. The cover (above) offers an insight into the "DARK SIDE OF SUPERSTARDOM" but... really?
3. THE OTHER GUYS IN LINKIN PARK ARE MORE INTERESTING (p.22)
Mike Shinoda's the dude - not only being charming, he's an artist and can actually rap (stop hating and check out his verses in the tracks below!) but DJ Joe Hahn has always been the most mysterious member of LP. Nice to see he's keeping up his rep by walking out of meet-and-greets, even though it does make you look like a total prick.
Busta Rhymes feat. Linkin Park - We Made It
BONUS: Fort Minor feat. Ghostface Killah & Lupe Fiasco - Spraypaint and Ink Pens
4. GRANT NICHOLAS COULD LIVE WITHOUT "BUCK RODGERS" (p. 29)
Says the Feeder frontman, "Part of me is annoyed about the song because we've written so many better ones and that's the hi. The other part of me is proud of it because we proved we could write a great pop song." True, but as an aside, when they headlined Download in 2005, I went to go see Billy Idol instead. Good choice. Billy Idol fucking rules.
Feeder - Buck Rogers (the video to this is priceless, and everyone loves elephants)
5. MARTA FROM BLEEDING THROUGH IS STILL HOT (p. 12, 37 & 45)
Yup.
Andrew W.K. - She Is Beautiful
At this point, I have to admit that I actually love my girlfriend far more. Sorry Marta.
6. ROB HALFORD AND QUENTIN TARANTINO HAVE SHARED INTERESTS IN OBSCURITY (p. 77)
Judas Priest frontman Rob Halford's first gig as a wean was watching UK beat combo Dave Dee, Dozey, Beaky, Mick and Tich. Quentin Tarantino loves Dave Dee, Dozey, Beaky, Mick and Tich and used their song "Hold Tight" in an especially NSFW scene in "Death Proof". There could be something here, I think.
Dave Dee, Beaky, Mick and Tich - Hold Tight
7. WHOEVER'S PLAYING GUITAR ON p. 78 LOOKS LIKE RUTGER HAUER (p. 78)
Anybody who could help me on who the hell this guy is? Please?
Rutger Hauer's death scene in "Blade Runner"
8. KIDS ARE ADORABLE (p. 52)
Back in the end of primary school, I was asked to monitor a first year class full of young kids and failed spectacuarly. They hit me, yelled too much and were really rude so I straightened out things but bursting open a yoghurt container... against a chair. It went, arguably, downhill from there. Kids are a lot smarter and insulting than I think, something I'm reminded everytime I man the desk at work. So before I can break down and say that I hate kids, I take a look at the adorable little girl - presumably the daughter of one of the K! writers - by the name of Yuki (I think) and my cynicism melts. I mean, awwww, look at her! Plus, she was at Download! Cool parents. I bet little Yuki really dug Municipal Waste.
Black Lips - How Do You Tell A Child That Someone Has Died?
9. RIVERS CUOMO USED TO BE A TOTAL PRICK (p. 27)
I love this man because he wrote "Pinkerton", basically an album anybody who uses the word "emo" should buy. (By the way, stop saying "emo", people. You're not cool.) But it turns out that the Weezer frontman has been a total twat in the past - for example, while touring the s/t "Green" album in 2001, he threw a tantrum which culminated in him kicking the K! writer covering the story and the band's press officer off their tourbus in the middle of Spain, forcing the pair "to walk an hour and a half back to the hotel". Jesus. I'm guessing he, er, didn't give a hoot what they thought.
Weezer - Pork and Beans (Acoustic)
10. SLIPKNOT HAVE NEW SHIT ON THE WAY (p. 12)
Fuck you if you don't dig this. This is good news. They're dropping a free new single in two days, keep an eye out for a review! (Maybe.)
Slipknot - People=Shit
Soooooo, til next week, where you can expect a smaller, worse written, more frantic version as I'm still in Edinburgh for the film festival. Which is cool.