Okay, so I didn't do a post on last week's Mindless Self Indulgence ish. So sue me, I had a lot of film festival stuff going on. Anyhoodles, on with #1217...
- FUNERAL FOR A FRIEND ARE MAKING ME FEEL OLD (p.07)
The news should be that those reliable Welsh rock rockers, Funeral For A Friend, are going out on tour with Cancer Bats and In Case Of Fire. Instead, I'm drawn to this statement from FFAF vocalist Matt Davis-Kreye:
"[Our] new album is going to be called Memory and Humanity... We are going with an October 13 release date - which is actually the fifth anniversary of when our album Casually Dressed and Deep in Conversation came out."
Wait, hold up, FIVE YEARS?! Dude. That makes me feel uncomfortable - five years ago, I was just about halfway through high school, was still straight-edge, still wore my Odd Project zip-up hoodie everywhere I went, was yet to experience a whole bunch of things in life. Hell, as for my two biggest fandoms for geekery, Lost wasn't yet on TV, and in Runaways we were still trying to make sure the series didn't get cancelled long enough so that we could find out who the goddamn "mole" was. That was a minute ago, methinks. Hell, I remember Casually Dressed dropping and people were going absolutely fucking insane for this band - remember when folk used to say "Juno" was better than "Juneau"? They're still a good band, and good luck to them with their ongoing relative longevity, but good God, I need to go shave or go wear an odd-fitting black t-shirt or throw a tantrum or something to feel 15 again.
Funeral For A Friend - Rookie of the Year
2. BRUCE DICKINSON'S PLANE IS FAMOUS (P. 25-26)
So, if you didn't know, Bruce Dickinson of Iron Maiden flies to most gigs in HIS OWN PLANE. Seriously. (It's nicknamed Ed Force One, after the band's mascot Eddie The 'Ead - nice touch.) What I didn't know is that it's become so recognisable now, cue Dicky:
"[Ed Force One's] been doing regular runs... someone's aircraft brakes (sic) down and Ed Force One will arrive... It's great publicity for us. It was a bit of a superstar at Gatwick. Everyone is spotting it on the runway and air traffic control are now like 'You, behind the Iron Maiden plane, you're clear to taxi'. They've stopped calling it an Astraeus 757, it's become the Iron Maiden place, so that is all quite entertaining."
Dude, that must be a surprise when your flight doesn't take off and instead of a mind-numbing delay, BRUCE FUCKING DICKINSON FROM IRON MAIDEN comes along to take you to your destination! I really hope this happens when I leave for Berlin later this month. Despite his rock star fame, Dicky is a responsible pilot and never flies directly after a show:
"[Because] of the CAA regulations you have to have a minimum period of rest whihc is always 12 hours. So I'm offstage at 11pm and the plane is leaving at 11am the next morning it's not going to happen. But if the plane's leaving between 2 or 3 o'clock the next day, I have a good night's kip, don't go out on the lash the night before and have a nice lie-in, then I'll get up and fly the aeroplane."
Quite.
3. WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO THE GA*GA*S? (p. 46)
Do you guys remember The Ga*Ga*s? Anybody? I was never a big fan, but they really seemed like one of those British rock bands that could tour and tour and tour forever, throwing out really fucking good songs whenever they felt like it. But then, they kinda vanished, only for three-quarters of the band to resurface in Slaves To Gravity. In this week's K!, I finally found out what happened: their label, Sanctuary, folded, they got dropped and they saw what they were building fall apart just around the same time they started to lose their patience with one another. Oh. Well, that was easy enough.
4. THE BEST DUMB TATTOO IDEA EVER (p. 44)
I love tattoos. I've always been interested in it and am happily waiting to get more than the measly one I have on my bicep (not measly, but you get the idea - measly in the sense of quantity, ahem). With this now, I have a habit of convincing friends that I am going to get tattoos that in my right mind I would never get. A fridge with the Star of David on top. A donkey wearing a leather jacket with the legend "BADASS" written on his back. Minnie Mouse doing a wheelie on a jetski (yeah, I know, not possible but still). A hardcopy version of Franz Kafka's "The Trial" on my inner thigh. An Enchanted backpiece that copies every aspect of the poster. Still, I haven't heard a tattoo idea in some time quite as stupid as Martin Mendez of Opeth's, who considered getting the AC/DC logo on his balls. According to guitarist Fredrik Åkesson, Mendez pulled out of the idea because he was "worried that the line in the middle might hurt too much". Still, points for effort.
5. THE DESCENDENTS LASH OUT AT THE OFFSPRING... (p.43)
...about a million years ago, I'm guessing. I just read that the Descendants labelled The Offspring, who count the 'cendants as a big inspiration, as a "novelty" band. They must have confused "Pretty Fly (For A Rabbi)" with the original, but I'd say that's Weird Al's fault. Dammit, Al!
Descendents - Hateful Notebook
6. JACOB BANNON IS IMMEDIATELY PART OF THE DIPSET MOVEMENT (p. 30)
This is just too fucking priceless not to note. Jacob Bannon, vocalist for ultra-mega-influential-and-also-really-fucking-awesome hardcore nuts Converge, is there in all his mega-tattooed, newly bleach-blonde glory, talking about tattoos, faith, his ambitions, growing up and-- fuck it, who cares when he's wearing a goddamn Diplomats t-shirt?! If you've never heard of Dipset/Byrd Gang, you're really behind. These guys are absolutely insane as far as hip-hop crews. I don't have a scanner that allows me to take a picture of this photo, but it beggars belief. I love this kind of shit.
Juelz Santana - Santana's Town (feat. Cam'Ron)
7. TOM BRYANT GETS IT JUST RIGHT (p. 50)
Yeah, Cute Is What We Aim For suck. Not pure-hatred-suck or even what-has-happened-to-my-rock-n-roll-suck. Just "suck". But nothing that's horrendous, because I personally can get why people like these guys, even if I don't. To quote Tom Bryant's review of the band's new release, Rotation; "[The album] is exactly what you would expect of a Fueled By Ramen band in 2008 - sleek, slick, and sellable with little in the way of surprises and much of what you might expect... well executed." Well, that sums it up pretty much perfectly. Still, I have to fall back and say that "Navigate Me" does not only suck, but is also really creepy.
Cute Is What We Aim For - Navigate Me
8. DRAGONFORCE, YET AGAIN, WIN THE PRIZE FOR BEST ALBUM TITLE OF THE YEAR (p. 8)
Unanimously, might I add. Following Valley of the Damned, Sonic Firestorm and - yes! - Inhuman Rampage, power-metal dudes are releasing a new album in August by the name of (and I really need to put caps on for this) ULTRA BEATDOWN. Yes, say it with me: ULTRA BEATDOWN. It's an album title so ridiculously good that writing it with lower case letters would be nothing more than sacrilege. Apparantly "there's no slow bits" on the album. To be fair, they say that for every record they bring out, but goddammit, ULTRA BEATDOWN?! Until someone releases an album called Nutty Emporium, this is the album title of the year. I can't wait to hear how OTT this record is.
Dragonforce - Black Winter Night
9. UNDEROATH FAIL TO USURP DRAGONFORCE'S REIGN (p. 8)
The post-hardcore band's new album will be called Lost in the Sound of Seperation which, despite being okay, is nowhere near as cool as ULTRA BEATDOWN. To recap: Underoath -0. DragonForce - 4, 128, 000.
Underoath - I'm Content With Losing
10. COUNT GRISHNACKH DENIED PAROLE (p. 8)
Count Grishnackh (a.k.a. Varg Vikernes of Burzum, Mayhem and Darkthrone fame) has been denied parole for the second time. Just as well, really. Even if he's made some badass music, he did brutally murder Øystein Aarseth (a.k.a. Euronymous), his bandmate in Mayhem, set fire to a bunch of churches and escaped jail a few years back so... sorry dude. I can't really say much more because I'm not really a big BM dude, but what the fuck does he expect? Agh. There's a million Darkthrone songs that refer to death in their title but I chose this one in particular to be special!
Darkthrone - Black Victory Of Death
So, until next week, then.
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