I don't normally get excited to buy a new Kerrang! every week if I'm being totally honest - I really enjoy writing this blog and that normally makes me eager to get a new issue - but the moment I saw the cover for #1218, I had a big ol' grin on my face. Converge, baby. That's all I needed to know.1. CONVERGE = LOUDER THAN SLAYER (p. 24)
For this week's cover story, Ian Winwood flew to Salem, Massachusettes to see Converge tear apart their practise space with a three song set of "Hellbound", "Heartache" and "To The Lions". In the veteran K! writer's words, "the effect is intense and impressive. But it's also frightening. It's as if there are four rattlesnakes in the room and no one knows quite where they are... The performance lasts less than ten minutes, but walking outside even the soupy New England air feels like light relief. I've seen Slayer practise and next to this they sounded like Simon & Garfunkel."
Louder than Slayer? Them's fighting words. To support this claim, however, I will tell you this: last year I flew to Belgium to see Converge play at a Belgian festival called Groezrock and despite only really knowing about six or seven songs, they were pretty much everything Winwood just described. Awesome awesome awesome live band; "Converge are exhausting" indeed.
2. HIM'S ODD MARKETING PLANS (p. 54)
Once upon a time, not everybody fell over themselves to fellate Ville Valo's love-metallers (stand up Mr Margera) - back in 1999 when the band's "Razorblade Romance" record dropped stateside, the band apparantly had to market the album under the name HER. How so? There was an American band of the same name with ex-members of Tortoise amongst its ranks. That's, erm intriguing. Or something. (Come on, I gotta put ten things. Ten.)
3. HOW TO SWEAR ON DAYTIME RADIO AND GET AWAY WITH IT (p. 45)
Oh, those Funeral For A Friend boys, they never fail to give me little tidbits of information for this blog. Turns out that "Streetcar", the lead single for their "Hours" album, enabled the band to get the word "cunt" played on daytime radio. Says drummer Ryan Richards, "Where the voices in the middle repeat the line 'I can't feel the same about you anymore', we got lots of people to say 'cunt' instead of 'can't'." Those wiley boys. With this and vocalist Matt Davies-Kreye's claim that you can hear him yell the C-word before the drums kick in, I will never be able to look at this heartfelt, tuneful song without thinking of one word: cunt. You pricks.
4. WIL FRANCIS NEEDS TO GET OVER IT (p. 43)
Okay, that's an unfair thing to say to a dude who's just been dumped by his fiancée and had to deal with a family member's assault - those are tough emotional troughs to dig through. But, really, William Control? A dark new-wave side-project with alter-ego ambitions? No no no no no no no no no. Even if your songs are about "dark shit" like (deep breath) "bondage, rape, religion, [your] contempt for Christianity, God", it kinda ruins it when you put yourself in the shoes of a fucking cartoon character. At least that's what it looks like to me from here. Leave dark alter-ego musical shit to MF Doom. Last time I checked, wiL Francis, you are not MF Doom. Although now, you can really never know now.
5. OH, THAT'S WHERE THEODORE WENT (p. 8)
Jon Theodore used to play drums with The Mars Volta, at least up until 2006's "Amputechture", but to be honest I had absolutely no idea where dude had gone (apart from probably the local jam spot). Turns out that he's the other half of Rage Against The Machine vocalist (feels so good not to say "ex-vocalist") Zack de la Rocha's side-project One Day As A Lion. Whatever it sounds like, the beats will be massive as Theodore's a pretty fucking awesome drummer. However, one song will always keep his name in my head and in my heart - and it's not a Mars Volta song. It's a song by J-pop behemoth Utada Hikaru by the name of "Kremlin Dusk" and it's utterly amazing and one of many reasons that the album it comes from flopped horribly in the States. I know that doesn't make it sound good at all, but this song's awesome. Listen, dammit. (And funnily enough, this links us back with number 2 - Jon Theodore ocassionally plays for the non-Ville Vallo HIM!)
6. UH OH, ACTING MUSICIANS (p. 8)
Okay, Frank Sinatra - given. Everyone else is still fair game, mind. And I don't think metal's given us many good actors (if Alice Cooper is any sign, at least) so I fear for Lamb Of God frontman Randy Blythe's debut in horror The Graves. Apparantly Blythe's going to play a "murderous church deacon called Deacon Luke". Riiiiiggghhhht. Best of luck to him, but if he's expected to deliver a respectable performance as a church deacon it's best he avoids the ol' devillock like the plague. (Ol' devillock... would that not be fitting?)
7. K! DON'T CARE FOR SKATEBOARD P (p. 16)
Now, I'm pretty sure that N.E.R.D. were on the bill for the Milton Keynes leg of Linkin Park's Projekt Revolution tour. There were posters and everything, right? You know the logo with the little brain there, that was there... right? And unless the photos from the Billionaire Boys Club blog are photoshopped like fuck, the band played to all those thousands of people... right? So... if N.E.R.D. were on the bill, played and what else, then... where's the review of their set? Is there a Neptunes embargo at the K! offices? Because I need to get me a good Neptunes embargo so I stop being disappointed by when Pharrell starts rapping about his Hermes bag. Still, I digress.
8. I WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH HAYLEY WILLIAMS (P. 71)
It isn't just because I want to use up a summer by playing bass for Paramore after seeing them at Give It A Name this year. It's not just because she's a crybaby like me (she cried when her friend got engaged - hell, I'd be bawling). And it's not just because she used the time sitting her SAT to write the lyrics for "Fences". Nope, it's the fact that the last song she'd want to hear before she dies would be "Vegas" by New Found Glory. And I quote: "You have to keep your eyes open/You'll never know if she's right...." I hope she likes Sega Saturns too.
9. SOUR CHERRIES IN THEIR OWN BAG?!?!?!? (p. 70)
Haribo Sour Cherries in their own bag. THEIR OWN BAG. Carl, if you're reading this, feel free to go apeshit with sugar joy.
10. SOMETIMES K! GETS IT RIGHT, SOMETIMES K! GETS IT PRETTY DAMN WRONG (p. 51-52)
Following a 4-K review from Paul Travers, I decided to throw on something from Whitechapel's newie, "This Is Exile" - one of the recommended tracks, "Of Legions" totally bored me. Sure, a good chug is always entertaining (just ask your brother) but when it goes on too long, it begins to just hurt (again, ask your brother). On the other hand, Nachtmystium, whose "Assassins: Black Meddle, Pt. 1" dropped with a 4-K review from Dan Slessor. And from the two recommended tracks I've heard, it's pretty goddamn fucking awesomely cool sweet. Good call, Slessor. Just goes to show that within the one magazine, one man's great record can be another's tripe. Or something. All I know are that Nachtmystium are pretty fucking sweet.
So, Converge, FFAF, sweet new albums and new Haribo sweets? A good week, I have to say.
2 comments:
Good God. Seriously? Can't people just READ KERRANG if they want to know this mindless drivel?
No. As for the fact it costs money to read this drivel. Why not read the 10 best things in it right here? Makes sense to me!
Mmm Sour cherries...
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